Premature Rebellion
by Sarah1281
Summary: Balon rebels before Theon can leave for Pyke and Robb's bannermen expect blood. It's not going to happen but he figures it's only polite to hear them out. Theon/Robb. Some elements of crack.


Premature Rebellion

The timing was certainly inconvenient.

He and Theon had been days away, at most, from finalizing the plan to send him home to Pyke. They hadn't even sent a raven yet though they were about to. And now this?

Now, rationally Robb realized that going off to war isn't a decision made in an afternoon. It had taken him weeks to leave Winterfell after he called the banners and the North could muster up far more strength than the Iron Islands ever could. In fact, if they had gotten news of the attack later (for, after all that preparation, would they really be open to attacking someone else?), it would have just put Theon in an impossible position.

He didn't even want to think about Theon going to try and get his people to side with Robb (well, the North but he knew where Theon's interests lay) and being met with the news they were actually going to make his life much more difficult. As if Robb had the _time _to deal with them right now. He couldn't reasonably expect Theon to fight against his family but he couldn't pretend he'd react well to finding Theon raiding the coast either. What did that leave? Theon conveniently shipwrecking on a desert island and not coming back until he was sure that the war was over?

So Theon was actually probably lucky, really, but when Robb had been musing aloud about it in bed the night before Theon had glared at him and threatened to kick him out. Robb had wisely refrained from mentioning that it was _his _tent. It was always Robb's tent despite the fact that his tent had guards outside it who might notice that Theon sometimes forgot to leave and people were far more likely to want to come see him in his tent than they were to see Theon in his.

Theon just pointed out that at least the guards should provide a buffer and give Robb time to make himself presentable if someone absolutely _had _to see him at an indent hour. And he responded to worries about people realizing he was spending the night by sneaking into the tent in such an overdramatic manner that it was sure to fool no one. Assuming he had competent guards and he rather did hope that. It might even attract more attention. But it always made him laugh and he really could use some more laughter these days.

It was one of the – many – reasons he was glad that Theon hadn't gone back to Pyke after all. Oh, he wanted Theon to be happy and have his rights as his father's heir and this blatant ignoring of the warning not to rebel again or Theon's head would roll didn't indicate good things on that front. But he also didn't want Theon to leave and now he wouldn't have to. Now, after this whole thing with the Iron Throne and Pyke was settled, he'd have to go and figure out what was going on on Pyke and what his status was there.

Assuming they survived, of course, but he preferred to envision a future where he and the people he cared for were alive. At any rate, Theon eventually leaving wasn't Theon leaving _now_. He wouldn't stop him when the time came, wouldn't even try. Theon would be glad to go but not so much to leave Robb and guilting him about it would be tremendously unfair and borderline cruel. Of course he had to leave. What was the alternative?

But not today.

Of course, that did leave him with a different kind of headache, one Robb liked to call 'wow my bannermen seem really keen on cutting Theon's head off.' So they were having a meeting about it.

It wasn't going to be a productive meeting since Robb had no intention of killing Theon and they all felt that he had to. He wasn't about to change his mind but maybe this way they'd at least feel consulted?

He glanced at Theon, seated to his right as always. They hadn't actually managed to talk about the cutting off the head thing – for some reason – when they were discussing the Ironborn attacks but Theon had kissed him since finding out so presumably he understand that he was in no real danger.

Sure enough, the first thing he said was, "I move that my head not be cut off."

"You can't just request that we not kill you," Lord Glover protested.

"Sure I can," Theon argued, smiling. "His Grace asked if anyone had something to say and what I have to say is that I move that I don't lose my head. Or be killed in any other way, Lord Bolton."

Lord Glover blinked. "But…I'm not…"

Lord Bolton glanced calmly at Theon and Robb barely restrained himself from shuddering. There was just something about that man…

"Why would you address that remark to me, Greyjoy? Everyone here knows decapitation is far from the only way to kill a man. Neither of your brothers, for example, died in that way."

Theon rolled his eyes. "Yes but you're the only one here who flays people."

The Greatjon laughed. "I should hope so!"

"In the past, when such things were legal, certainly my house engaged in such practices," Lord Bolton conceded, expressionless. "There is no shame about that part of my history. But today such things are illegal. And flaying is not always lethal."

"No one actually believes that you don't still do that," Theon said flatly.

"I am fortunate, then, that the truth is not dependent on what this august body believes."

Theon turned to Robb with a smile and he knew what was coming. "You know, when most people decide that they want to bleed – not that they really do – they'd use a knife. But I guess Boltons don't stand for undergoing anything resembling flaying themselves."

It was remarkable just how many japes Theon was able to make about leeches. Robb would never tell him – like he needed the encouragement to provoke the scariest man either of them knew – but he was rather impressed. "If I had any reason to believe that Lord Bolton actually flays people, you know I would act on it, Theon."

"Why is he even here?" Lady Mormont wondered. "He's hardly unbiased."

"What does bias have to do with it?" Theon challenged. "This is a meeting to determine my fate. Why wouldn't I be here?"

"It's hardly proper for a condemned man to partake in discussions regarding his own execution," Lord Glover fretted.

Theon pointed accusingly at him. "Condemned? Now _that's _biased."

"Lord Glover, nothing has been decided," Robb said sternly, albeit falsely. This meeting was a technicality. He wouldn't kill Theon for his father's sins, not for anything. He remembered the day he had fully understood that Theon's life could be forfeit at Winterfell if his father rebelled again. H e remembered the vow he had made to never do that himself if it fell to him. He wondered if he should have ever mentioned that to Theon. Surely he knew. They were _brothers_. Now and always.

"I don't see what there is to decide," Lord Glover protested. "He's a hostage, taken to execute if his father ever rebelled again. Well Balon Greyjoy has done exactly that. It's very simple."

"Having grown up with his hostage, His Grace doesn't quite seem to understand how hostages work," Lord Bolton said mildly.

"You know what the difference is between a leech and Lord Bolton?" Theon asked loudly with a smile. "A leech'll stop calling for your blood once you're dead."

"Now, Theon, I think Lord Bolton only wants to kill you the once," Robb said. "He's not a monster."

"Yeah but he seems like the kind to want a grisly trophy," Theon said. "I hear you can make gloves out of human skin."

Lord Bolton's face arranged itself in a way that could almost be called surprised. "Is that so?"

"Lord Bolton," Robb began, "if you think that I do not understand hostages, go as Jaime Lannister or any of my other prisoners about what a wonderful time they're having."

"And yet Jaime Lannister and all those others don't fight at your side and sit at your war council," Lord Bolton pointed out.

Robb took a moment to imagine the Kingslayer doing half of the things that Theon did and could barely keep a straight face. "Well of course not. They aren't on my side so that would be ridiculous."

"But surely even if we weren't fighting the Greyjoys before, you must concede that having your hostage be so trusted and so eager to advance your aims is a bit…unusual," Lord Bolton said delicately.

"He's not _my _hostage," Robb said automatically.

"Isn't he?" Lady Mormont asked. "Your father took him hostage and now that he's dead his holdings pass to you. Including his hostages. If he is a hostage of House Stark, you are Lord Stark. He _is _your hostage."

Robb really wished that they wouldn't keep throwing that word around. Hostage, hostage. Technically nothing she said was untrue and yet it didn't sit right with him. But all those little bits of truth didn't add up to Theon being his hostage. He had certainly had more choice about going off to war with them than any of his bannermen did. It was _ridiculous_.

He glanced at Theon and saw he looked just as unimpressed.

"It is, perhaps, understandable as you were so young when he came to Winterfell and it was so many years ago," Lord Bolton said. "But it truly is remarkable. I cannot imagine myself ever trusting a hostage so much."

"I think I've finally figured out why Roose Bolton likes leeches so much," Theon announced, smiling. "Anyone else they both get attached to freaks out and tries to scrape them off."

"As you said, I have known Theon for ten years now," Robb said. "It is hardly the same as trusting someone who I took hostage a matter of weeks ago."

"Such loyalty is touching."

"It isn't so much a matter of trust," the Greatjon pointed out. "Hostages can be well-behaved or complete nightmares and it doesn't change anything. There are standards for how they will be treated and the conditions for their release and – in the worst cases – when they will be killed. And Balon Greyjoy has met those conditions."

Well he had him there. Or, well, he would have if something that usually annoyed Robb wasn't true.

Theon was looking at him, waiting for him to find the right words.

"My father swore to the Robert Baratheon and the Iron Throne that if Balon Greyjoy rebelled again he would cut Theon's head," Robb said. "To begin with, I never made such a deal. Robert Baratheon is dead. And we are not even sworn to the Iron Throne, after all. Why should I be expected to fulfill an obligation to a land I'm rebelling against myself?"

"Yeah," Theon said, quickly seizing on that. He smiled. "Isn't it a bit hypocritical that the North and the Riverlands can rebel but if my people do it then it's a problem and I need to die for it?"

"It was understood that if your father should fall while Theon Greyjoy was a hostage in your house that he would still be killed if a rebellion occurred," Lord Bolton said. "If there had been a storm on the way back to Winterfell and your father had drowned before ever taking Greyjoy to your family then it would be expected that he still be executed by somebody – though perhaps not a six-year-old lord – and Balon Greyjoy not be able to do as he liked with impunity."

"Lord Bolton would make a better leech than his actual leeches do; he never seems to get his fill of blood," Theon muttered.

"It is not about a taste for blood," Lord Bolton said. "It is about being a man of honor. If you say that you will do something, or it is even implied that you will, and you do not then how can any man trust you mean what you say? How will any threats hold weight? If you do not execute Greyjoy here today then why should the Lannisters have any fear you would kill Jaime Lannister? Why would they keep your sister safe in turn?"

Honestly, Robb did not expect that he would be called on to kill Jaime Lannister anytime soon. It would cause a lot of problems and he didn't want to see the Lannister reaction (especially since they still had his sisters) but he knew they wouldn't give him cause to. He would if he had to, Jaime Lannister was hardly Theon after all and he deserved his fate, but it wouldn't come to that.

"I am not about to uphold any obligations that I had to a higher authority in King's Landing now that we have seceded and I am my _own _higher authority," Robb said firmly. "It is not about hostages specifically. If the need arises, I will treat my hostages appropriately. And while there are some who may doubt I mean that at first, making the same mistake you did about my willingness to carry out a threat, they will only need to be corrected once."

"And what if that one time is more than you'd be willing to endure?" Lord Bolton asked. "One time could be enough. Lord Tywin is not a man who does things by halves."

"Has anybody else ever noticed how cold Lord Bolton's hands are?" Theon asked. "It's almost like he's leeching the warmth right out of you."

"Aye, this could make you look weak," the Greatjon agreed.

"It might make me _look _weak, yes," Robb agreed reluctantly. "But I have always been of a mind that there is looking weak and then there is actually being weak and it's far safer to merely look it than to be it, even if you appear to have strength."

"And you think that executing Greyjoy will make you weak?" Lady Mormont asked. "Your Grace, I know that he's a damn good fighter but surely having or not having him won't decide the course of the war!"

Robb gave her a pointed look.

"Aside from how executing or not executing him makes you appear to your enemies," she corrected herself. "And even your allies. These Riverlords especially aren't sworn to you but to your mother's house. No one wants to support a lost cause and successfully seceding from the Iron Throne has never been done."

"The Freys, in particular, are treasonous whores," Lord Bolton cautioned.

"That's what you said about my people," Theon grumbled.

Lord Bolton merely raised an eyebrow at him.

Theon scowled. "Is there anyone you _don't _think are treasonous whores? Just out of curiosity?"

"Most certainly," Lord Bolton said, bowing his head. "House Stark, for example. Their honor would never allow it."

"And what about House Bolton?"

"I would never call my own house that," Lord Bolton replied.

"Because it's not true or because you'd be insulting a house you head?" Theon asked.

"Do you really expect an answer you can trust from a question like that?"

"I don't expect an answer I can trust from anything you say," Theon said. He turned back to Robb. "Do you know how Lord Bolton stays healthy all the time? He fights diseases by not sharing leeches."

The idea of sharing leeches sounded a little disgusting to Robb but, then again, so did the whole leech business in the first place. But he wasn't there to anger his allies by questioning their various idiosyncrasies, especially the ones that didn't hurt anybody else. Though he could never really tell if Lord Bolton was feeling angry or not. Or…well anything else for that matter.

"As I was saying, since I don't believe that it is necessary to – being in rebellion ourselves – execute someone for a third party also rebelling against the Iron Throne, the only reason I would do it would be because it is expected of me," Robb said. "I would appear weak if I did not. And what is weaker than doing something you would not ordinarily do and are, in fact, stringently opposed to simply because people expect it of you?"

"I would like to suggest that if we're going to go around killing prisoners we behead the Kingslayer before we bother with this one," Lord Karstark said, nodding Theon's way.

Theon smiled. "And I second the motion."

"We're not killing Jaime Lannister either," Robb said tiredly.

"I'm just saying you should probably kill _somebody _at some point," Lord Karstark grumbled. "I'm willing to be flexible about who."

"Well I'm not and I'm not just going to kill somebody for the sake of killing somebody," Robb said. "I will kill Jaime Lannister if and when I am given cause to and in the meantime he's not going anywhere so we can wait."

"I understand that you have a solid justification for not killing Greyjoy, though I believe it is your affection for him that is ruling your actions, but no one else will see it that way. The Iron Islanders, in particular, will take this as confirmation that you are weak," Lord Bolton cautioned.

"And they already think I'm weak and are already attacking and killing Theon isn't going to change anything. I'm not honor-bound to kill him, in fact I'd say I'm honor-bound _not _to given the circumstances, and it will only hurt my cause to lose such a valuable member of my army," Robb said firmly. "I cannot act based on what other people will think of me."

"That is a mistake," Lord Bolton said simply. "But it is yours to make, Your Grace."

"I have heard of blood-letting to restore good temperament but is it just me or does Lord Bolton use it rid himself of every feeling he has?" Theon wondered aloud.

Robb's lip twitched despite itself. "To be fair, we _have _heard what they say about his bastard."

Theon nodded. "Yes, it's all quite horrid. What was it now? Randall? Ryen? Raegan?"

"I don't even remember," Robb said.

The Blackfish stood up. "Well, Your Grace, it seems as though you are quite decided. Some wish for you to execute Theon Greyjoy but you will not be moved."

"I'm sorry if anyone is displeased with my decision," Robb said diplomatically, standing as well.

"I'm not," Theon muttered.

"But I cannot possibly execute someone who has done no wrong to please my bannermen," Robb continued.

There was some grumbling but no more than Robb had expected and then everyone had cleared out except for Robb, Theon, and Lord Bolton.

"Damn, I think I'm out of leech jokes," Theon whispered, proving that no, in fact, he didn't have to make those comments loudly enough for everybody to hear. And technically he didn't have to make them at all but Theon was Theon and it's not like Robb had ever asked him to stop.

"Was there something else, Lord Bolton?" Robb asked.

"I'm just…curious," he said slowly.

Robb nodded at him to go on.

"Earlier you seemed quite confident that I continue my house's ancient practice of flaying," Lord Bolton said, addressing Theon. "Is there any reason in particular that you feel that way?"

Theon looked over at Robb who hesitated. Was this really a conversation he wanted to have with one of his bannermen?

"Please, do tell," Lord Bolton request. "I want to know."

Robb sighed.

"Other than the fact that you look like the kind of man who has the scariest dungeon in all of Westeros?" Theon asked rhetorically.

"Other than that, yes," Lord Bolton said after a moment.

"Well then I have to confess that it's your sigil," Theon said.

"My sigil?"

"It's a flayed man," Robb explained. He wasn't sure that he agreed with Theon's oft-pronounced beliefs about House Bolton (if it was true they certainly hid it well. He hadn't even heard about any flaying from the son that he did hear stories about) but he certainly understood what gave Theon that impression. Even if 'you just look like you flay people' wasn't very helpful. Very, very true but unhelpful.

"I didn't choose it."

"No, that's true," Robb agreed. "And it was probably very helpful back when you were actually allowed to flay people for them to see your banners and know that if they defied you and were captured they had that to look into. But flaying has been outlawed for many years and yet you still have the flayed man on your banner."

"And there are no dragons anymore but that didn't stop House Targaryen from having that as their sigil," Lord Bolton replied.

"Probably not the best example to use since that house is on its last legs," Theon said. "What is it, some horselord girl? Younger than even Robb. His Grace."

"And House Stark used the direwolves even when, until very recently, no direwolf had been seen south of the Wall for so long they were believed to be extinct."

Grey Wind chose that moment to wander into the tent and Robb nodded his way. "And now we all know that they're not."

"The kraken has _never _actually existed-"

"It has, too!" Theon protested. He smiled. "But it's a giant sea monster that kind of capsizes any ship that it makes contact with so how are people supposed to see it and live to tell the tale?"

Robb really didn't need Theon to get started on another rant about how the kraken was absolutely a real creature. The last one had clocked in at about four hours. He understood it was very important to him but…four hours. And he'd heard it at least half a dozen times by this point but it would be irresponsible to leave the two of them alone when Theon wanted to rant about krakens and Lord Bolton had a talent for always finding the right thing to say to get a reaction.

"Either way, while animals like direwolves or dragons or krakens can and often do kill people, they aren't quite the unambiguous announcement of torture and death that a flayed man is," Robb said loudly. "And if you want people to stop thinking you flay people, refusing to change your sigil isn't going to help with that."

"Why should I have to change my sigil?" Lord Bolton demanded. "Nobody else ever does."

"Actually, Joffrey's sigil was some weird amalgamation of Baratheon and Lannister," Theon corrected. "And didn't House Baratheon's sigil get a crown once they became the royal house?"

"Besides, nobody else's sigil depicts graphic torture," Robb said pointedly.

"I do see your point but it's just too much a part of my history to change it now," Lord Bolton told them. "And even if I did try to change it, I couldn't make a slight adjustments like the examples you cite. I'd have to completely change everything. And surely just a _picture _isn't hurting anyone."

"History," Theon repeated.

Lord Bolton nodded. "Yes, history. Our traditions are very important. It's really a shame that the old ways are dying off and being forgotten. The old ways were what made us great and what make us Northern and not southron. The blood of the First Man. I will not add to the loss of our traditions more than I have to."

"But…your traditions are flaying people," Theon pointed out.

"And then there's your house words," Robb said quickly. "Our blades are sharp."

"We all carry blades," Roose said smoothly. "And the members of my household keep their blades, which they do not use for flaying, very sharp indeed. I do not see what's wrong with this. It may be a bit obvious but it's a threat without having to be an outright threat and I do appreciate that. I wouldn't want anyone to think my house weak, after all."

"And then there's also the words that aren't technically your house words but everyone thinks of as your house words anyway," Theon said, smiling. " 'A naked man has few secrets; a flayed man, none.' Kind of like the Lannisters and how 'hear me roar' is their official house words but I always used to forget that because that's an even stupider saying than 'winter is coming.'"

"What's wrong with winter is coming?" Robb demanded, mildly outraged.

"It's a _weather report_," Theon replied. "Seriously, Robb? Winter is coming. Winter is ALWAYS coming. Even when it's already winter the next winter is on its way. It's just a statement of fact. I know that winter is harder in the North but…really? What you guys really need is an interesting unofficial house saying so that people can forget all about how winter is coming. I mean, the North remembers is pretty good but that's saying for the entire kingdom so you can't really just take that."

"Winter is coming doesn't just mean it's literally about winter," Robb protested. "Though winter is very hard and no matter how long summer lasts we can never forget that a harsh winter might just be around the corner and must always be vigilant. It's also about how hard times will always come no matter how good things are right now and we must be ready for that, too."

Theon laughed. "I think that if it were really about something deep and philosophical it would be something about that and you're just reaching because you know that you really did not luck out with the house mottos."

Robb crossed his arms. "All I have to say to that is 'we do not sow.' I hear that and all I can think is 'we are going to go and take everybody's stuff and have no accountability for our actions.'"

Another laugh. "Robb, that's kind of exactly it. We do have a history or taking everyone's everything and resenting any reaction to this kind of behavior. Now, we don't really follow the old way anymore, even if they are attacking again, but if House Bolton doesn't have to change the fact that literally everything about them tells the world that they flay people then our motto is fine, too."

Robb had almost forgotten that Lord Bolton was there and wasn't that an unsettling thought?

He sighed. "It seems that there is nothing I can do, then, to convince people that I am not flaying people. I would have hoped that the simple act of me not flaying people would be enough but I can see that that's not to be."

"There's _plenty _you could do," Theon argued. "You just refuse to do any of it."

"If I have to choose between upholding my traditions and having the world think better of me, I know what I will choose."

As he left, Theon said, "But…his traditions are still _flaying people_. I really don't feel like anybody is taking this as seriously as they should be."

Robb shrugged. "I don't know he's flaying people and you don't either. And all the 'but he really looks like he does' and 'his house has always been big on flaying' in the world doesn't change that. Even if I agree and if I had to pick someone out of a crowd as someone I thought probably flayed people I'd pick him every time."

"You're right," Theon said reluctantly. "But for the record, I am never ever ever under any circumstances ever going anywhere near the Dreadfort. Just in case."

"That's probably for the best," Robb agreed. "Though for other reasons."

"I don't even know what you mean," Theon said innocently.

"I don't know why you always have to say those things," Robb said. "Especially when he's right there!"

"Tell me you don't like the leech jokes," Theon challenged. "Go ahead. Tell me."

"I…cannot do that," Robb admitted. "But I would not even have the courage to say those kinds of things to a man I was as convinced still flays people as you seem to be."

Theon looked a little smug at that.

"That wasn't a compliment."

"It was a little bit of a compliment," Theon argued.

"I said it so I'd think I would know."

"Evidently not."

The two of them just stood there for a moment, grinning at each other.

"I feel like, I don't know, I should thank you or something," Theon said at last.

Robb made a face. "I feel like that would be weird."

Theon rolled his eyes. "_Everything _about you being a lord and now a king and whatnot is weird but we still have to deal with it."

"This is different," Robb said. "You're talking about thanking me for not cutting your head off. Taken out of context, that seems really…problematic."

"All I'm saying, Robb, is that if I can't thank you for that then what can I thank you for?" Theon asked rhetorically.

Well, he did have a point there. "I guess if _you _had done something treasonous that I could kill you for and I decided not to then a thank you might be appropriate," he said slowly. "Though it would probably be really awkward and feel like an understatement. Though it might be worse if you didn't do it. But that's really not the case here."

"Anyone else would have killed me," Theon said stubbornly. "Your father would have killed me."

"I guess we're just lucky that this happened when it was my decision then," Robb said.

"We're just lucky – _I'm _just lucky – that this happened when you were also in rebellion so, if people could look past the fact I've been execution-bait for ten years, it really is ridiculous to kill me for the same act you're all committing," Theon said.

"_We're _just lucky that that gave me such a good rationale not to kill you and I didn't have to fall back on 'but he's my best friend and I love him'," Robb said wryly. "Though we'd be luckier if there wasn't a rebellion at all."

"Out of curiosity, if I was a hostage for my father's good behavior and he's clearly behaved badly by rebelling again and you didn't kill me like you were supposed to, does that mean I'm still a hostage or…?" Theon trailed off, trying to sound like he didn't really care one way or the other.

Robb knew better. "I think that at this point literally nobody would take you seriously as my hostage so we really might as well not even bother."

"_Your _hostage," Theon repeated, shaking his head like he couldn't even wrap his mind around the idea. "What happened to it being weak to do something just because of what other people thought?"

"That doesn't mean I need to be a contrarian," Robb responded. "That's just as much dependent on what they think and, consequentially, just as weak."

Theon's smile faded and he stared intently at Robb. "But _seriously_, Robb."

"Theon," Robb said, meeting his gaze unflinchingly. "You didn't do anything, your father did, and I always knew that I wouldn't kill you for that."

Theon just stood there for a second, processing that, before his hand reached out and touched Robb's face. "I think that Lord Bolton might have been right about one thing. You are _terrible _at hostages."

But if the way that he kissed Robb was any indication, he clearly didn't mind.


End file.
